"I couldn't tell when will be the time that I'll completely move on with my life..."
I could still smell the smoke from the burning candle, the smell of the flowers displayed at the side of his casket, and I could still hear him laughing. It's been three months already since he was buried but bereaved was I so greatly.
He's the only person who made me happy during my times of loneliness, my company when it seems like the world is against me and my handkerchief when I can't stop the tears that's flooding in my eyes. He's the smile on my lips and the twinkle in my eyes, but now that he's gone the smile faded and my eyes looked cold and bitter.
Why did he left me this early? He left me by saying that everything will be fine and that the world will not stop turning even if he's gone, but it's not fine. Now that he's gone the faces that haunted me by saying that I'm a threat to their existence keeps on popping out my dried world! Yes, my world has become dried, it was dead...He's my world! He is! My world used to be happy and colorful, it's full of sunshine and darkness has no space on it. But now....everything is different.
He left me with my feelings imprisoned in my heart. I never told him how much I love him and I can't let it go, the key to set this free is on him, it was buried with him in the ground....and even if I dig his tomb, i know that I can't find it....he's the key, he's life is the key, his very existence is the key.
I know he'll never accept this feelings even if I'll say it out loud for he loved another woman, more beautiful, more intelligent. Even if he's dying he keeps on talking about her....but he never did noticed that deep inside my heart is bleeding. But still I'm happy for I know it's not me who can put those sweet smile on his face, I am just a little sister for him and that's all.
......"but I love him, more than he could ever imagine, and I'm willing to give him my life, but I know it's impossible and even if I kill myself I know I'll go to hell and I'll never see him forever and forever."
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