NONSENSE II

I just thought that sleeping would help to efface the pain that's stabbing my heart...



I wish that today the rain would fall down from heaven so that I will feel that even if nobody can see me cry at least I know that heaven sees how my heart feels and that it will send the rain to make me feel that God's Love is falling for me....



I don't understand by now but I just hated this feeling, I hate to feel pain and disappointment. Many says this is just a part of growing up. Every teenager undergoes this stage...



I feel like I am in a mental hospital..it seems like my environment is enjoying their time and they have no idea of what I'm going through..but i'm not saying that the people around me are fools....
its just that they're not sensitive about their companion.




But me? I guess I'm a fool. Who in her right mind would cry and smile at the same time?



I smile and cry and smile and cry..I can't stop crying...I feel so stupid i feel like i'm not a man.



Hey! I'm a man!,,I'm a man!..a woman who pretends to be a man for others to see that I'm fine..and that nobody can hurt me.



But he's hurting me silently. Breaking my heart silently....My world is so silent, cause I'm alone here, crying like a little baby, asking for something that I can't speak.



I'm crying for such a shallow reason. And I guess that's what makes me stupid.



Thinking that everything was an illusion, something that will be carried by the wind when it comes. I'm not good today.



I smile in the outside..but my heart can't do it. It doesn't even have a mouth anyway....T_T



Please I want to stop the tears from falling..... I was just writing this to lessen the burden, but nothing happens....



I want my pillow and my blanket and hide again in my silent world..where its dark, where there's pain..where there's no YOU to hurt me..



I don't have the right to HATE you because the reason for this pain is my silent heart. Who doesn't want to admit how important YOU are in my life..



Whoever you are please...go away and stay away from me....YOU may think that i'm unreasonable....but i guess this is for my own good....



I am UNREASONABLE and will always be like that forever....



Again it's me the NONSENSICAL person who feels pain for no reason.

You will never hear it...Your world is too loud, a complete opposite of mine...T_T